Her Journey's Just Begun  / Lorraine (Mom to angel Kelli )

 To: Leroy, C.R., Kari, Angela, Little Roger, Tam and Grandap Pleau,

Her Journey's Just Begun


Don't think of her as gone away -
Her journey has just begun
Life holds many facets
The Earth is only one
Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years
Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
can really pass away
And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost-
And she was and is loved so much.

 

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No Tears Past The Gate  / Lorraine (Mom to angel Kelli )
No Tears Past The Gate

Someone new has entered
our eternal home above -
the heavenly gate has opened
to welcome one you love.
We cannot help the tears that fall -
our hearts need time to grieve
when earthly life has ended
and a loved one has to leave.
Yet even in the saddest time,
we know our Savior lives,
and we can trust completely
in the promise that He gives -
that in a glad reunion with the Lord
our loved ones wait to welcome us
in joy with no more tears
beyond the gate!
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Life is but a stopping place  / Kelli (Angel to Kari,C.R. Leroy,Mom and Dad )

Life is but a stopping place,
A pause in what's to be,
A resting place along the road,
to sweet eternity.
We all have different journeys,
Different paths along the way,
We all were meant to learn some things,
but never meant to stay...
Our destination is a place,
Far greater than we know.
For some the journey's quicker,
For some the journey's slow.
And when the journey finally ends,
We'll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace,
Together with the lord

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I see you everywhere  / Dodi (Dodi)

Dodi,

   I see you everywhere I look, I saw you sitting on a porch step just today. I see you at church and at work. I hear songs we used to listen to and I remember your smile, your laugh, all the calls you used to make to me at work but the one thing I miss the most is hearing your voice saying "Dodi!" as I came in the apartment and your warm hugs that followed. I can say now you were right,  I wish we could have gone together, but my work isn't through here.

   I miss you every day, and lately it's getting worse. Adrianah, our grand daughter, was born on the 22nd this month. I know how excited, and proud, you were for Vanessa and how you couldn't wait to see her and the baby. I hope you are watching now.

   It's been almost 4 months since you went home, and though there have been good days, the days now are getting long and hard. I have been to the cemetary to visit you but it isn't the same, I have a video I shot of Izzy where you walk through and say something, it is the only way I can hear your voice anymore. I can't bring myself to delete your number from my phone. I know your in a better place now, and I know you are feeling what I told you you would. The only thing that keeps me going is one day I will take my final breath here and before I can take a breath there I will hear..."Dodi!" and see you running with opened arms to meet me.

Love, Dodi

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Dad and Kari's Bdays - July 26, 2008  / Mom (Mom to angel Kelli )

Today we celebrated Dad and Kari's b-days. It was low keyed which help to ease the absence of you. None of us forgot that you were not there.

Ali is pulling herself up now. Faith walks everywhere. Ali is a bit more timid than Faith. Ali has hair like you did when you were little and Faith still has none. Ali reminds me a lot of you when you were this age. She is a Gerber Baby just like you were.

I love you Kelli, Mom

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Good night sweet angel  / Mom (Mom to angel Kelli )

July 26, 2008 - Good night precious angel.

July 27, 2008 - Good morning sweet angel

July 27, 2008 - Good night precious angel, I love you

July 30, 2008 - Good night my angel, I love and miss you.

July 30, 2008 - Good morning my angel, Thinking of u with love.

July 31, 2008 - There is a deep loss for you my darling daughter, I miss you so much. Good night precious angel.

July 31, 2008 - Good morning my precious, your mom over slept and will be late for work again. I called to let them know. Living without your physical body brings tears to my eyes most days. I love you so much.

August 1, 2008 - In just six short days you will be gone for 4 months. You are missed, loved very much, and not forgotten, not  as long as there is family. I've come to say good night again.

August 1, 2008 - Good morning sweet angel, Your mom woke this morning feeling as though she did get some rest. Thinking of you always and missing you. Love you!

August 1, 2008 - Here to say good night, thinking about you, loving you and missing you, Mom...

August 2, 2008 - Good morning my angel girl. Wish you were here today to help dad and I. We're going to have both Ali and Faith. Faith is running all over the place now and Ali is crawling. Loving you. Mom.

August 3, 2008 - Good night my Kelli K. love you so much.

August 4, 2008 Good morning precious angel, Leroy was by last night. He stayed for dinner and visted after. It was refreshing to see him. We talked about u. Jetty is ill and most likely will pass. I love you much.

August 5, 2008 - Please watch over your sister, she is in great need of help. We have done all we can do money wise and support wise. It is now up to her to control her drinking with a little help from her big sis. I love you mom, good night my angel girl.

August 5, 2008 - Good morning sweet angel, another day, Thinking of you always, love you.

August 6,2008 - This is your 4 months date of being in heaven, I miss you so, so much. I don't think I will ever recover from your passing. I love you my 1st born and always well. love you Mom. Good night my darling beloved daughter.

August 7, 2008 - Your sis, cousins all remembered you today...As long as we all live to pass your memory down so shall you live on. I love you. Good night my sweet angel.

August 8, 2008 - Good night my angel girl, tough night at work, very tired tonight. Missing you deeply.

August 13, 2008 - I haven't been to visit for a few days, so many things going on and honestly sometimes it's just to hard. We all miss you deeply. Good night my precious angel, Mom

August 20, 2008 - Good night my angel of love, you're very loved and missed. Hugs you tight in my heart for always.

August 25, 2008 - Good night my precious daughter, You are loved and missed by all, in our hearts you dwell.

August 26, 2008 - Good day my angel girl, i over slept, the night was a restless one. Thinking of u, loving u dearly. Kisses, love and hugs.

August 27, 2008 - Good night my angel up above, loving you, missing you, can't wait until i see you.

August 28, 2008 - I miss you, i see your face, that loving smile. But, most of all i see my angel at peace with everything. I love you so much and wish you could come back just for a little while. I will see you in my dreams.

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If Roses Grow in Heaven  / Mom To Angel Kelli (7-16-08)

If roses grow in Heaven,

Lord please pick a bunch for me,

Place them in my daughter's arms

And tell her they are from me.

Tell her I love her and I miss her,

And when she turns to smile,

Place a kiss upon her cheek.

And hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,

I do it every day.

But there's an ache in my heart

That will never go away.

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"THE TIDAL WAVE OF GRIEF"  / Lorraine (Mom to angel Kelli )

"THE TIDAL WAVE OF GRIEF"



Grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,

sweeps you up into its darkness,

where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces,

only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped.



Grief means not being able to read more than two sentences at a time.

It is walking into rooms with intention that suddenly vanishes.

Grief is three o'clock in the morning sweats that won't stop.



It is dreadful Sundays, Mondays that are no better.

It makes you look for a face in the crowd,

knowing full well the face we want cannot be found in that crowd.



Grief is utter aloneness that razes the rational mind

and makes room for the phantasmagoric.



It makes you suddenly get up and leave in the middle of a meeting,

without saying a word.



Grief makes what others think of you moot.

It shears away the masks of normal life

and forces brutal honesty out of your mouth

before propriety can stop you.



It shoves away friends,

scares away so-called friends,

and rewrites address books for you.



Grief makes you laugh at people who cry over spilled milk,

right to their faces.



It tells the world that you are untouchable

at the very moment when touch

is the only contact that might reach you.



It makes lepers out of upstanding citizens.

Grief discriminates against no one.

It kills. Maims. And cripples.



It is the ashes from which the phoenix rises,

and the mettle of rebirth.

It returns life to the living dead.



It teaches that there is nothing absolutely true or untrue.

It assures the living that we know nothing for certain.

It humbles. It shrouds. It blackens. It enlightens.



Grief will make a new person out of you,

if it doesn't kill you in the making.



- Stephanie Ericsson, in "Companion Through the Darkness"

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Your beautiful Angel Kelli  / Leigh (Member of DS Group )

Lorraine,

I just wanted to stop by and view Kelli's memorial.....She is truly beautiful!  I, too, know the pain....As you know, I lost my Elizabeth at the age of 20 on April 11, 2008.  You are in my thoughts and prayers!

 

Love, Leigh (DS Group)

 

 

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Kelli / Lorraine (Mom to Angel Kelli )
Today is 3 months, we went to Kelli's resting place and brought our first bouquet of flowers to her. I was actually happy to be there praying, talking to her, pulling up little weeds, trimming the rose bushes and flowers all around her. I kissed her stone and told her I loved her.  On the way home in the car i felt the tears welling up. But, there was a measure of happiness I felt, happy to be with her even if it was at the cemetery. Close

Kelli / Mom (to angel Kelli )

"Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure...you are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure..."

 

 

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Your Sister  / Lorraine (Mom)

Good day precious angel,

Well, Your sister went to court over your niece Ali to get the restraining order lifted. But, it was county court and the judge did not want to make a dicision and her lawyer has petitioned everything be inclusive and be moved to the district court. That way only one judge will hear all the proceedings regarding the divorce.  Kari is frustrated but ok. Please keep close by her and guide her in the right direction. She loves and misses you so much. The family can't seem to share in this memorial of you yet b/c their sorrow is so deep. I on the other hand can not stay away. This is perhaps the one area of your passing that gives me a connection to our life together as mother and daughter. I have and will always love you my precious Kelli bell.  love and kisses Mom.

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Healing Tears  / Lorraine (Mom to Angel Kelli )
Healing Tears
by Pat Andrus

Do you wonder if the tears will ever stop? They steadily fall, unpredictably and unexpectedly. Like spring floods, these human raindrops pool into streams then seemingly flow into rivers. Like spring showers, they pop up, beat us down for a time, then just as suddenly, they dry up.

Often inconvenient and unwanted, these signs of mourning, sadness and pain also signify caring, love, joy and even relief. At times, we clearly understand their meaning in our day. Other times, nothing is clear. Everything is jumbled, confusing and meaningless.

Perhaps we just cry for no acknowledgeable reason. Is that so bad? After all, we've suffered a loss. Perhaps the death of a person or the death of dreams, hopes and plans leaves us feeling hopeless and powerless. Maybe we pity ourselves. Maybe we're frustrated and powerless right now.

We know of others who haven't cried, which may make us angry, worried or even jealous. Does it mean they don't care, or didn't care as much as we? Does it mean we cared too much, that we are too soft and sentimental? There are no simple answers to why some of us cry and others don't.

We remind ourselves that tears are not the only signs of grieving. There are so many others. Humans are all different. our closest friends and relatives will grieve in their own ways, with their own time frames, rhythms and patterns. Just as we grieve uniquely, so will they.

Others may tell us to stop crying, as though we can command nature to change course. How burdensome this is. We must, and will, cry as long as we need to cry, as often as we feel the dampness of moisture, as many raindrops as our body produces. Not to cry when our very nature demands release is to deny our humanness.

What we, and those around us, may not know is the healing physical nature of our tears. Our body produces tears for biological reasons. Chemically, the composition of tears of emotional pain differ from tears of laughter and joy or tears of physical pain. Tears help wash out negative chemicals building up when our body experiences pain or stress. Tears cleanse.

How many tears doe it take? Why, just as many as are needed. Just remembering that there is a physical as well as emotional benefit to crying may help us accept our unique patterns of crying - or not crying.

Nowhere does it say a person must cry to be healed. Or that we must cry in front of others. Some sob, others wail and keen; some remain silent, tears flowing inside. Some select the time and place where they will release the flood. Others find themselves incapable of controlling the tide.

Many have wanted to cry and just felt they couldn't open the ducts. They might substitute a healthy scream for the effort. Screaming can release the emotions blocking the tears, suppressing the buds of healing from surfacing.

So can journaling, or writing about our grief journeys. Sitting quietly, allowing ourselves to focus, relaxing into our pain may stimulate the tears. But if it doesn't, perhaps we simply aren't ready to cry. Be assured, humans cry. And, like grief ebbs and flows, so will our need to cry.

And, what if we suddenly find ourselves enjoying something, actually laughing until tears flow again? Shocked to think we might be forgetting our pain, forgetting our loved one and moving forward, we may suck our breath inward, gasp our tears back, feel guilt and remorse instead of gladness. Is this the way it is to be forever? How long before we allow ourselves to anticipate good things even while succumbing to periods of grief and longing? The answer seems repetitive ... as long as we need..

Life is full of sorrow, from birth to death. Life is also full of wonder and joy. We experience so much in this world. Tears are small miracles of life, for tears of joy and tears of pain both heal.

This spring we will watch bulbs blossom, trees turn green and grass peek through. perhaps hidden in our grief, almost without our acknowledgment or our awareness, we will sense our own growth, too. We will celebrate our humanness by honoring our need to cry or not to cry. We will laugh when we can, cry if we feel it, and allow others to do what they find healing, too.

Spring is about deluges of raindrops, sunny days pushing past huge, gray clouds, impatiently waiting for the weather to get better. So, too, is grief. Out of great pain and sorrow comes learning, possibilities and growth. Maybe even a deeper knowledge of eternal spring.

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Father's Day  / Mom To Angel Kelli
This is dad's 1st Father's Day without you. Close

June 8, 2008 Ali's 1st Birthday  / Lorraine (Mom to Angel Kelli )

It was a bitter sweet day this day June 8, 2008. Last year it was a Friday and your sister had just brought your 1st born niece into this world. How i recall the twinkle that was in your eye as you held her, At times waiting patiently to hold her again, watching as others held her in their arms. I wondered then as i do now how you dealt with the child you did not hold, the child you gave back to God b/c of the illness that plagued you. Now in heaven how happy you must be with that little one, rejoining your child in an absolute perfect place, you lost so much hear on earth, the painful decisions you had to make.

A 1st birthday bib was given to Ali and a card in your memory. Today i weep for the wonderful opportunities you had to pass by and for my precious daughter who's heart broke in silence.  Ali will know the aunt who called and always wanted to know what she was wearing and doing so long as one of us are a live.

Soon I will add an album called "Pictures for Kelli" to share with you.

I love you

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June 6, 2008  / Lorraine (Mom to Angel Kelli )

It has been two months since the Lord called you home on that early Sunday morning of April 6, 2008. Though i sit next to the same window i watched those three unknown people pass by, the two men and one woman at least today i know the reason why and they wont be here on this date, your anniversary of two months to tell me my darling daughter Kelli has died.

Now in the home of the Lord surely you must know that you made me who i was. That everything that was good that came out of your life was for you and you alone. A Dad, a brother, a sister, a house with a backyard, decent schools, all these things a child should have to thrive and grow.  We fought a good fight all of us with you to give you just one more day. Leroy your life line who gave you hope for a life of peace without the constant torment of the demon voices who haunted your thoughts with words so cruel the rain of tears would run down your checks.

My precious daughter i do not know which pulled at my soul most watching you suffer in a world that could not give you comfort from this horrible diease or your death. Either way it rips the soul from a mother's chest.   You're in my thoughts always.

 

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I remember Kelli,  / Mark Christensen (friend and lover from 1992 )
I met Larraine and the family one evening that spring of 92 and have only adorable memories of Kelli, her uniqueness and individual prospective on life and I'v always had a regret for passing. She was such a good and warm memory for me and a very dear friend to Dave Core, We love her very much, she is a huge huge loss for us, She will always be in our minds and hearts for ever. I remember Kelli to be someone that would stair wright into your eyes till you'd look away, no selfish intent, she just wanted to be there and feel comfortable. We had a great age difference and i was very career minded and moved out of state, this is what scared me the most other than her openness and willingness, I always felt like looking her up again. mark Close

Resting Place  / Lorraine (Mom)

Today we put you and grandma in your resting places...Your spirit has been set free and though i miss you so i'm glad that now you finally rest in peace....I love you so.

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Dear Kelli  / Natasha K. (Moms friend )

I am a friend of your mom's just here to let you know you are loved

Nat x

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Memorial Day  / Angela (Cousin)
Make my death a canticle for peace.
Evil has no greater friend than anger,
Making ready converts to its cause.
On me think but of beauty as you pause,
Remembering the service of a stranger
In giving life to purchase your release.
Armies live according to their art.
Love of life at times requires death,
Defending what would else find hungry jaws.
As you enjoy the gift of every breath,
Yet mourn for me with morning in your heart. Close